


Blood Lust

by SaiyanPrincess3



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Curing A Demon, F/M, Fluff, Time in Hell, Torture, Violence, demon!reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-21
Updated: 2015-11-21
Packaged: 2018-05-02 15:57:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5254349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaiyanPrincess3/pseuds/SaiyanPrincess3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The reader sold her soul to bring Dean back and has subsequently spent three hundred and sixty years (hell time) in the pit.  When she’s offered to be a demon to get off the wrack she takes it and hunts down Sam and Dean for leaving her in hell.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Revenge

_You could feel the blades ripping at your skin, the hooks that held you on the wrack digging into your body, and the terror that filled your soul. You had almost lost track of how long you had been in the pit until the demon that got the pleasure of working you over today told you. “Three years up top, so about 360 here, doll.”_

_You couldn’t even cringe at the words anymore. “I can offer you a deal. That soul of yours is pretty tarnished. Get off the wrack for a pair of pretty blacks like mine.” He blinked and the black eyes that had once sent shivers down your spine seemed like a welcome gift._

_“I’ll take it. Can I have my old meat suit?” He chuckled. “I want to at least look like me.”_

_“I don’t think Crowley will have any objection to that but there’s nothing ‘you’ about you anymore.” You didn’t care about anything that was said next. You were getting off the wrack, you were going to look like the old you, and you had a whole new life ahead of you. There was only one thing on your mind. The Winchesters were going to suffer for leaving you down here for 360 years._

* * *

“Quite the story isn’t it, Dean. You thought your forty years in the pit were something?” You laughed a maniacal giggle. “You think you learned from Alistair? Three hundred and sixty years I hung on that wrack. THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY YEARS! Three to you! I prayed every day that you or Sam would somehow save me!” You had the eldest Winchester pinned up against the wall without even touching him. You had spent the last year honing your skills before going after the.

“[Y/N], I’m sorry we couldn’t get to you without making a deal and no one would bargain! I tried! They wanted you there and they weren’t letting you go!” You spat in Dean’s face.

“You’re a pathetic liar, Dean Winchester. I’m going to kill you, you know that? But not before I slowly cut every last piece of skin from your body.” You smiled a sickly sweet smile. “Remember, Dean? I was your love? 'Baby, I’ll never let anything happen to you!'” You mimicked his gruff voice, disgust curdling the undertone. “Turns out, you did. You’re pathetic! I made my deal to save your life and you couldn’t even find a way to get me out of the pit.”

“I told you we tried, [Y/N]. You should have never made the deal!” You spat in his face again.

“Sammy saved Bobby. Why didn’t dear old Cas come and, how did he tell you? Oh that’s right 'grip me tight and raise me from perdition?’ Psh what a fucking joke!” You rolled your eyes dramatically pressing harder on Dean’s throat. You were trying to monologue and you were sick of his incessant interruptions. “You want to know what I’m going to do to Sammy? Did you know I’m making deals now? Got my own pretty little puppy! I’m going to watch as he tears Sam to pieces and then I’m going to desperately find a way to shove his despicable soul right back in the cage with Lucifer.”

You walked up to Dean slowly and placed a hand against his cheek before pulling it away and relishing in a quick, hard slap. While he still couldn’t move you bound him to a chair so you could have your way with him. “Maybe I should let the Mark turn you again huh, Dean? We could have so much fun! Think about it.” A cruel smirk twisted on your lips. “I could always tie little, blood junkie Sammy down and force demon’s blood down his throat again. Make it one big happy family of freaks. We all know how Sammy gets but do you really think he’d kill either of us? I don’t he’d embrace the life this time wouldn’t he Dean?” With that you punched him square in his jaw and smiled again seeing the blood run from his mouth.

“Every time they’d come to torture me I made it through thinking about what I was going to do to you and your self righteous sanctimonious brother if I ever escaped the wrack.” You pulled out your blade and carved a long gash down Dean’s chest causing him to wince. He refused to yell at the pain. You could see the fight in his eyes. That was okay you were going to break him of that. You let up on the pressure on his throat so he could talk if he chose to.

“[Y/N], you have to be in there somewhere still aren’t you? This isn’t you! You know this isn’t you.” You laughed again.

“Dean, stupid stupid Dean. Didn’t Sammy say those words to you when he found you all black eyed and glorious? Remember what you told him? That was you, just a new and improved you. Personally I liked that you better anyways. The sex was great when you stopped being such a self loathing, self pitying little girl.” Dean was staring at you trying to find any trace of your humanity left. He could see your [y/h/c] hair draping down your back and your [y/s/c] skin glistening under the dull lights. You [y/e/c] eyes were still there too until you noticed him looking and then with another sick smile you blinked and he was left staring into black holes. “I’m still me, Dean. It’s still my soul. I just don’t care anymore.”

“Then you’re not you. [Y/N] cared about me and about Sam. She loved with everything she had and she fought until the last breath. I saw what happened. I felt my heart break as that hell hound tore her to pieces. She would have never chose this over staying on the wrack.” His voice was shaking and you could almost visibly see the resolve breaking in him.

You cut another gash into him, this time in his cheek. “Little do you know, Dean, this is still all me. See where caring about you got me? Crowley’s warned people time and time again. You use people up and watch them die bloody. You just said yourself you watched me die, Dean.” With a flourish of your wrist you sliced into him again.

It was at that moment you heard the door behind you crash down. You turned and in a split second you were on the ground, Sam Winchester on top of you. He landed a blow across your jaw and while you were distracted for a moment slapped the demon cuffs around your wrists. “You may think we never cared but when we get you back to normal you’ll understand, [Y/N].” Sam’s voice was coated in pain and all you could do was laugh in his face.

“I am normal, Sammy, try and cure me all you want. I made the decision to be who I am. I made the choice long before it was offered to me. I’ll go back and choose it again.” Sam landed another blow to you and the edges of your vision went black and before you knew it you had slipped into unconsciousness.


	2. Cure Me

When you regained consciousness you found yourself bound in the chair that you had seen Dean bound to years before. You laughed bitterly. You knew what was coming. You knew that Sam and Dean would start injecting you with human blood to “cure” you. You blinked revealing the black abyss that was your eyes. If they were going to see you, they were going to see you for what you were and what you wanted to be.

It was a small surprise when Dean walked in instead of Sam. You didn’t think the eldest Winchester had it in him. “Well, well, well, look who it is! The traitorous scum bag! It’s always a pleasure, Dean.” He grimaced at the tone in your voice and the black eyes that met his gaze.

“You’ve been spending too much time with Crowley.” You laughed. Dean, always trying to make light of situation. “His lack of wit is rubbing off on you, [Y/N].”

“You know there were days in the pit that I fucking begged to hear you say my name again. Now it makes me want to spill my damn lunch.” It was his turn to laugh bitterly.

“We both know demons don’t eat. You’re an empty shell, but not for long. I’m going to cure that stain on your soul.”

“Ooh, Dean I love it when you talk dirty to me.” You plastered a smug smirk across your face. “What the hell makes you think I want to be cured?”

“I know you don’t. I know I didn’t but I will never be able to thank Sam enough for doing it.” You rolled your eyes. The self loathing was evident in his voice but so was the condescending attitude. He thought he was so much better than you in this state but you remembered what he was like as a demon. You missed it if you were being completely honest. He was so free, just like you were free now.

“Baby, we could be great together. Just give in to that pretty little mark that sits on your arm.” You were almost purring. “We could rule together, with your strength and my cunning? Crowley wouldn’t stand a fucking chance.” He scowled at your words.

“I would never choose to be what you are again. I’ll fight this mark until the day I can’t anymore then I’ll die bloody.” The longer he talked to you the weaker his resolve got, you could see the weakness in his eyes. That was the only thing that was reserved specifically for you when it came to Dean Winchester, he couldn’t be strong forever with you.

“Do you remember what it felt like? Being ‘cured’?” You looked into your eyes for the first time since he caught sight of the black. You blinked revealing your [Y/E/C] eyes again. “I remember listening to you yell. It broke my damn heart, Dean. I remember thinking you were going to die.” His resolve was faltering more and more by the minute. “Are you really going to do that to me? Put me through that much pain? Dean?” You looked up at him feigning fear.

It was at that moment that Sam walked in. “Son of a bitch.” Dean was shaking.

“Get out, Dean. You’re not going to be able to do this. She’s toying with you and you know it.” Dean hung his head and walked out looking dejected and beaten like a puppy that had just been kicked. “You really think I was going to let you fuck with him like that?” You smirked at Sam put on your best confused face.

“What ever do you mean, Sammy?” You blinked at him with doe eyes. “I was just asking him a simple question.” You felt the firm hand crack against your cheek.

“When this is over you’ll understand what you’ve done and Dean and I will help you through it but for now…” His voice trailed off.

“I don’t even know how you could be considered pure enough to 'cure’ a demon.” Your smug smirk was back on your face. “The fucking blood junkie. Come on Sam why not just open up a vein and take a drink. I don’t mind, just don’t bleed me dry.” You winked at him as he turned away from you, you watched him tense up. His shoulders were stiff as he started drawing the blood he would need. “Sammy, all the blood you could want right here. I promise I won’t tell Dean. Hell once he gives into the mark I doubt he’d even care. He may just give you a drink himself. Think about how much stronger you were.”

He turned and stabbed the syringe into your neck and you screamed feeling the human blood pump into your body. You struggled against your bonds the noises coming out of your mouth were animalistic. Sam walked out and left you to the darkness.

* * *

He returned every hour to inject you with more blood. After so long you didn’t even know it was happening anymore. All you could focus on was the pain ripping through your body. It felt like a fire had started in your gut and was engulfing you slowly. The burn only fueled more by your ragged breaths.

When the fire slowly started to subside you could feel more than you had in years. You weren’t human but you were starting to feel remorse and pain again. You closed your eyes tightly fighting against those feelings. You didn’t want to go back. You didn’t want to hurt again like you had for years in the pit. You willed yourself to hold on to the demon soul that was left.

Sam walked back into the room with Dean accompanying him this time. You looked up and trying to hide your ragged breaths and the pain that clearly showed on your face. Dean flinched away from you. “What Dean? Can’t look at what baby brother’s doing to me? Can’t see me in pain? Then stop it!” Your voice was hoarse. You would have never imagined that you’d be begging for mercy from the Winchesters but here you were. “Stop this! Let me be and I’ll go!” Dean shook his head and walked out again, you could have sworn you saw tears building in his eyes.

“Can’t do that [Y/N]. You’re almost there. You’ll be home soon. You’ll understand when I’m done.” There was a softer tone to Sam’s voice when he spoke to you now. You knew you were losing this battle. “It’ll all be okay soon.” He injected you again and the pain was back causing you to lose consciousness again.

You reveled in the blackness until you felt yourself being pulled under. You felt yourself slipping away. You were being pulled into an ocean of black. You didn’t fight it, you didn’t struggle against the force. You surrendered and then you were rising, flying out of the water. You were breaking the surface and a gasping breath broke through your lungs.

* * *

You opened your eyes blinking. You looked around and saw Sam standing in front of you. “Sam! Sam! I’m so sorry!” You were screaming. He splashed holy water in your face and when you didn’t flinch he knelt in front of you unlocking all of your chains. “Where’s Dean? I need to see him!” You felt the tears spilling down your cheeks. You were still upset that you had been left but that didn’t warrant what you had done. You had tortured the man you loved, not just physically but mentally.

“Hey, hey you need to calm down.” Sam was holding your head in his arms against his chest. “Deep breaths. It’s okay. We knew you weren’t you.” He was stroking your hair and rubbing small circles into your back. When your breathing finally evened out and you felt courageous enough to stand you pulled yourself up by Sam’s shoulder.

“Take me to Dean.” Tears were still spilling down your cheeks but you were calm. You needed to see him. You needed to apologize for all the things you’d said. You wanted to hide in the bunker with him and Sam forever forgetting the time in the pit. Unfortunately from both of their experiences you knew that wasn’t possible. It wasn’t until you were right in front of him did you believe that it was all real, that you were cured of being a demon and that you had said those things.

“[Y/N]…” You smiled a small sad smile. He was in front of you in three quick strides, pulling you into his arms. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t, Dean. Just don’t.” You collapsed into his chest and cried for what seemed like hours. It was going to take a lot of time before you or the Winchesters would be okay again.


	3. Coming Home

It had been almost three weeks since you had been successfully cured. You still couldn’t look either Winchester in the eyes after your first emotional apology. You retracted into hiding away from them only leaving when you had to eat or tend to bathroom needs.

You remembered everything you had said and you were ashamed. When the memories flashed in your mind you felt physically sick. Dean had tried to reach out you but you couldn’t stand to be near him. You knew it wasn’t fair to him but you couldn’t look at him without feeling like you should still be in the pit.

It was all Dean could do to convince you to stay at the bunker. He had pleaded with you until you had finally given in. He wanted you there and you couldn’t stand to leave him again if you were being honest with yourself. He had easily forgiven you and so had Sam but you couldn’t forgive yourself.

You were sitting in your room staring at the ceiling when the knocking started again. “Baby, please come out… I need to talk to you…” His voice was strained and you felt the tears start again.

“Dean, I can’t! I can’t see you look at me so lovingly when I know what I did.” He jiggled your door knob. You knew if he really wanted to he could pick the lock in a matter of seconds but he wouldn’t invade your space like that.

“It wasn’t you. I know it wasn’t really you. Not the real you at least.” You fought back the sob that threatened to rake through your body.

“It was me, Dean.” You slowly opened the door to your bedroom. “I was so angry when I made the deal to get off the wrack.” He looked down. He hadn’t slept much. The bags under his emerald green eyes standing out in high contrast. “I thought you and Sam just forgot about me. I thought you didn’t care that I was suffering. You know what it’s like down there.” Dean pulled you into his chest wrapping his arms around you.

“Don’t you dare ever think that we didn’t care. I summoned every damn crossroads demon I could find. They wouldn’t deal with me. Sam denies it but he summoned his fair share. They wouldn’t let you out of the pit because having you there tortured us.” You couldn’t hold back the sobs anymore they were pillaging their way through your body shaking you to your core.

“I remember every second, Dean.” Your voice shook and he pulled you in tighter. “I remember every last thing they did. I remember getting angrier and angrier each day, when I finally cracked and started plotting revenge I was still human.”

“I know baby. I know. Don’t ever for a second think that I don’t understand what being in the pit does to someone.” You pushed away slightly.

“But you don’t, Dean. I was there for hundreds of years.” Your eyes told a story your words never could. The broken fragments of your soul shone through. Dean knew he would never be able to put you completely back together.

“Have the nightmares started?” It was a simple question but there was so much understanding and lack of judgment you couldn’t help but be taken aback.

“Not yet. I haven’t slept long enough at once for that to happen. What I remember when I’m awake is enough to send me over the edge.” When Dean pulled your face to his crashing his lips into yours you couldn’t help but let out a surprised gasp and tense up. Once you were over the initial shock you relaxed and felt your mouth moving with his like it had years before. He felt so familiar, it felt like you were coming home.

When the kiss finally broke the tears had stopped and there was a look of longing filling Dean’s eyes. “Don’t shut me out, [Y/N]. I can’t know everything you went through but I understand. Sam understands too.” You looked down sheepishly. You knew that they had both hand their own personal experiences with Hell, you knew they remembered what it was like.

“I know, Dean. I just don’t know what to say. I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to remember what it felt like. It still doesn’t even feel real that I’m here.” He put his hands on either one of your cheeks and held your face level with his.

“Does this feel real, [Y/N]? Do I feel real? When you kissed me didn’t that feel just like it always had?” His voice was earnest, he needed you to know that you were home. “Whenever you feel like you’re slipping away hold onto me.” You nodded as much as you could with his hands still holding your face. “Now do you think you’re up to seeing Sam? He would really like to talk to you too.” You took a deep breath. Seeing Sam made you almost more nervous than seeing Dean had. You had said the worst things to Sam because he was the one trying to cure you. You had mocked his previous addiction to demon blood.

“He must hate me.” You gaze dropped from Dean’s and you heard him sigh.

“He doesn’t hate you. He knows just as well as I do that you didn’t mean the things that you said. At least you don’t now.” You didn’t deserve the compassion these men were gracing you with. You didn’t deserve the little family you had created with them six years prior. “Come on, [Y/N]. You’ll feel better after you talk to him.”

Dean led you down the hallway to the library where you always knew you’d inevitably find Sam. You had avoided this room since you had been back. Hearing the footfalls Sam looked up seeing Dean with his arm around you. There was a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“Hey, [Y/N].” His voice was tentative gauging your reaction. You could feel the tears pricking at your eyes again.

“Sam…” Your voice faltered. You didn’t know how to apologize for everything, you couldn’t find the words. “I-I didn’t m-mean…” You stalled out again. Sam stood and walked over to you as Dean pulled his arm away and Sam pulled you into a tight hug. You were still attempting to sputter out an apology as Sam stroked your hair and shushed you.

“I know. When you were like that you said things you would have never said before or now. I get it.” There was a hint of sadness in his voice and you couldn’t tell if it was because of what you said or the state you were in now.

When you finally regained your composure. “Sam, I was cruel and hurtful. I made light of something that should have never been made light of. I used information that you trusted me with and hurt you with it.” Sam still hadn’t let you go.

It took almost a month for things to fall into a remotely normal swing. Your nightmares had started and Dean held you through the night. You spent days in the library with Sam. The boys left for their hunts and you stayed. Cas would come and keep you company. There were still moments when you felt the darkness closing in but Dean would always pull you back. You knew you would never forget what happened to you but you could breathe again and you hand your family to anchor you to solid ground.


End file.
